Introduction

My name is Mary and I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometrial cancer (stage 4B) in September 2023. I have a husband and two kids, who are now 21 and 20. We adopted our kids from Guatemala and they have been with us since they were babies. After we had fertility issues, we decided adoption was the way to go. It was easy for us because my father-in-law is adopted and I have some cousins who have adopted children, too.

I grew up in St. Louis, Missouri, and have lived here my entire life, except for the time I went to college at the University of Missouri, which is two hours away. I’ve spent most of my life working as a paralegal.

I enjoy doing so many things. I love gardening. I love walking. I like spending time with my family. I do a lot of antiquing, whether it’s painting furniture, refinishing things, redoing things, trying to critique things, or creating things to make them a little better than when I got them. I have booths at two antique malls in St. Louis.

I like hanging out with friends. I love live music, concerts, and musical theater. I like to read. For many years, I wasn’t able to read much, but I’ve got a little bit more time to do that now, so I’m trying to read some things I haven’t read. My favorite genre is murder mysteries.

When I First Felt Like Something Was Wrong

Looking back, I probably had a couple of symptoms that I did not realize. I was a little more tired and I am not a napper. I’ve never been a napper, so I should have known that was something.

I had a couple of urinary tract infections (UTIs) and I also never had a UTI before. I’m diabetic, so they were always assuming it had something to do with it, but I had only been diabetic for about a year, so that was still new. They thought it was diabetes or kidney-related. I was put on some medicines and the UTIs went away.

What Happened in the Emergency Room

They took us in right away. They checked my blood pressure and temperature, and asked a million questions. I hadn’t had any issues prior. I wasn’t having intestinal issues or inability to tolerate spicy food. Nothing weird had been going on.

They started with an ultrasound and gave me pain meds through an IV. During the ultrasound, I thought, “Could she push harder on this area? It’s painful.” Then she said, “We need to do a CT scan.” It all happened quickly because the ER wasn’t crowded. During the scan, he said, “Oh, yeah, I don’t know. I see something in there.” They don’t tell you anything at that point.

We go back to the room and my husband said, “I’m going to let the dog out.” I said, “Let the dog out? Can’t we call a neighbor to let the dog out?” He left to let the dog out and not even 15 minutes after he left, two doctors came in. They introduced themselves and they were very pleasant.

At that point, I thought, “Wait a minute. What’s going on?” That was the first time anybody mentioned cancer. I thought about it when they initially said mass, but I wasn’t putting the cart before the horse. My oncologist ended up having a bad reaction to his COVID shot, so he couldn’t come in until the next morning.

When he came in, he said, “We’re going to have to do some more tests. We need to do a PET scan, but I see something on your ovaries. I think you have ovarian cancer. I’m going to schedule a PET scan. I need you to come into the office next week.”

Everything moved quickly. You hear some people who wait forever trying to get in. It was all very fast for me. I was wondering if it was good that everything’s happening fast or if it meant it was bad because everything’s happening.

The following week, I had my PET scan.

The worst part was calling to tell the kids since they were both away at college. It would have been different if I were able to tell them in person. It was hard on them because my brother passed away a year before due to complications from COVID and they were close to him. He was young and he wasn’t sick before that. He had a bad two years, but it was all COVID-related.

We told them before the hysterectomy because it took about a month to get the hysterectomy. My son was freaked out. He wanted to come home that day and I told him, “Let’s wait. Let’s see what’s going to happen. I’m still at the hospital.”

Two days later, he came home. He didn’t have a car, so he asked somebody to drive him home. It was a friend he’s had forever, so it was nice. He lives near us and they went to preschool together.

My daughter came in the following weekend. She took a train from Chicago. I think they felt better. I think they thought I was going to look terrible and I looked normal. I don’t look sick. You can’t always tell somebody’s sick by how they look.

The Support I Received from Family and Friends

The hardest thing is telling everybody. I have several groups of girlfriends. He was also talking to a couple of my girlfriends on the side, telling them what was going on. It was a lot, but I think he was trying to take over everything.

I’m the super positive one. I always think everything’s going to work out no matter what. Through this diagnosis, through everything, I still think it’s all going to work out. We’re going to make it work. Whatever we need to do, we’ll do.

I have one sister. Telling her was hard, too. The nieces and nephews are all concerned. There was a ton of concern. Even the neighbors were concerned.

One of my grade school mom friends set up a meal train. People were bringing food every day. People were asking, “What do you want? I can make this, this, or this. What do you want?” People were texting me. Neighbors were bringing food, mowing our lawn, and doing whatever we needed done. Everybody was great.

How I Found My Care Team

It didn’t occur to me that I should be looking around for somebody different. I liked my doctor. He was experienced and a good surgeon, so I had the right fit going in. The team at his office was amazing. Everybody was great, from the physician assistant to the chemo nurses. They did everything I needed done, so I didn’t have issues with anything.

My doctor fought for my infusions. She said, “They don’t want to approve it, but I’m going to keep talking to them until they do.” I said, “Okay, if that’s what you think I need to do.” I didn’t even know what endometrial cancer was when I was diagnosed. My husband and I are not medically informed.

I have several friends who are nurses, so we ask them, “What does this mean? What do you think about this?” One of my nurse friends had breast cancer, so she knew a lot. One of my good friends had breast cancer, so we could talk about chemotherapy and all of those side effects, which was helpful.

My Reaction to Finding Out I Had Endometrial Cancer

It was upsetting, but no matter what it was, I still would have gone through treatment. At least, they knew what it was. It was something that they treated before, whether they didn’t think it was curable or not, which they don’t think is curable. However, I still could go into remission sometime. I feel like they’ve done everything they can.

I already had my big cry. I’m the type of person who, when I cry, I’m done. I’m not going to keep crying. I know everybody’s different, but I’m not going to keep crying every day about it. Some days were more emotional than others.

The Side Effects I Experienced from Treatment

The chemo side effects were not good. It was mostly fatigue. The bone pain was terrible, but there wasn’t much that I could do about it. The best thing for me was heating pads or ice packs, which sounds weird because even in the middle of winter, I’d still use ice packs.

Chemo days were hard, but I wasn’t emotional about it. We had to get through it. I’m the caretaker. I have to make sure that everybody’s okay and making the right decisions. I’ve never been sick before. I had an ovarian cyst removed 25 years ago, but that was done laparoscopically and was the only surgery I’ve ever had. I’ve never broken a bone. All this was new.

When I would have an infusion, I would notice people who were having serious side effects. I didn’t have any reactions, so I was hoping that it worked out for them. I also noticed a lot of ladies who were older than me and I felt bad for them. It wasn’t fun at my age, but it has to be less fun when you’re older. 

My oncologist sent me to the wound care specialists since I was diabetic. He wanted to make sure everything healed properly. Thankfully, I had no problems, but I was happy to have another set of eyes.

They even had a nurse come to change the dressings twice a week. We could do that at home, but I was happy for them to do it because they could tell if something didn’t look right because I wouldn’t know. We’re not medically inclined to know if something looks bad. Thankfully, my incision healed well. I didn’t have any issues. It was all smooth sailing.

I did minimal research and read all the side effects, but I don’t do that anymore. My doctor’s a gynecological oncologist. There were good statistics from the clinical trials and it worked well for some people. If my insurance is going to cover it, if the doctor’s on top of what he does, and if that’s what he recommends, then I’m all for it. Thankfully, it all worked out. 

Keytruda has been approved for 18 different cancers now. Hopefully, it’s helping a lot of people feel better and be able to live their lives. The main thing is to be able to live your life, have time with your family and friends, and do what you want to do. None of us ever knows how much time we have.

We’ve done a couple of trips with the kids and we’re planning a couple more. I’ve always wanted to go to Alaska, so we’re going on a cruise in 2026. Some of them are bucket list items, but we like to go on vacations. If I had more money, I could vacation more.

I like going out to dinner with friends and trying new places. You have to do the things you love. I still paint my furniture. I love to decorate. I like to help somebody when they need something. I’ve scaled back on those things.

In 2024, we had a ton of graduation parties. For the first couple of parties, I wore a wig. When my hair was a little bit longer, I decided to go without a wig and it was fine. It was a whole new look. People have asked, “Are you going to dye your hair?” I’m getting used to it now. I wasn’t planning on going gray, but you do what you have to do and embrace what you have.

Doing what’s important to you and spending time with people who are important to you is a big deal. It makes life better and it makes me happier. I have my animals and that’s fun too.

We still have to enjoy the time that we have. It’s always been important for me to do what I want to do. They don’t have to be expensive. You can go to a park, a free concert, or a botanical garden. They aren’t expensive activities, but they’re fun and if you like to do them, do them.

I feel like I’ve always had a positive attitude to some extent. My husband would say, “She always wants to do something.” My daughter would say, “She always has a list of stuff.” I have different lists, like things we need to do or things we need to get at the grocery store. I have a list of major projects, like painting the bathroom or repainting the kitchen cabinets. I have always wanted to do those and I’m now more motivated to keep moving forward.

I’ve always felt like there are things I need to do. My grandmother was like that. She was a sewer, a gardener, and a doer. I feel like I got a lot of that from her. She was probably a little tidier than I am, but we always used to do about that when I was a kid.

What I Want Others to Know

If you feel like something’s off or not right, if you’re experiencing a symptom, even if you don’t think it’s anything, contact your doctor. Maybe it’s something, maybe it’s nothing.

Sometimes doctors will say you’re fine. If you truly think something is wrong, you’re going to have to push for yourself. A family member might, but you need to advocate for yourself. Nobody’s going to advocate for yourself better than you.